


We steal hearts not ovaries Richard

by Midnight_Realm_42069



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series, Shin Megami Tensei
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, F/F, Fluff, I made this at 3 am, Jokers a flirt, M/M, Multi, This was supposed to be a akiryu fic somehow it’s a shuake fic now wtf, Timeline is after royal, akechi said feelings? Who’s she’s, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:48:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23647975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midnight_Realm_42069/pseuds/Midnight_Realm_42069
Summary: Uselessidiot:@Flamboyantidiot w-want twogwet swome chwicken nwuggies with mweFlamboyantidiot:UwU ofw cwourse ruru-chwanFutuba:OwO whet uws grwemlins mweet awt LweBlancYuusuke:My brain hurts
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist, Kurusu Akira & Sakamoto Ryuji, Niijima Makoto/Okumura Haru, Suzui Shiho/Takamaki Ann
Comments: 4
Kudos: 123





	1. Chapter 1

Mishima added Akechi,Ryuji,Yuuske, and 5+ others 

Mishima:Welcome beloved phantom theives to the prime meme chat 

Akechi:I’ll pay 40 buck for pics of pancakes 

Ann:https://images.app.goo.gl/mxmczeZotqqghEPR9 pay up bitch 

Akechi: do you take pay pal or venmo? 

Ann: whatever you got 

Mishima: please no pancake deals in this Christian Minecraft server I won’t allow your drugs 

Mishima has changed Akechi's name to “Pancakefetish”

Pancakefetish: I’m not made I just want to talk with my gun to your face 

Haru:is it legal to kill a small child? 

Akira:No but don’t let that hold you back 

Ryuji:AKIRA! We have to know what the child did first 

Pancakefetish:I’ll get my handcuffs for when I send you all to jail 

Akira:Ah~ tighter kechi-kun 

Pancakefetish: or I can just arrest you now

Akira:and have your way with me?!? I thought you were a man of justice… I guess I have to steal your heart~ 

Pancakefetish: that’s it I’m selling you in e-bay I have to get you as far away as possible 

Akira: Damn I don’t wanna be in a box I’ll bother Ryuji instead 

Haru:that was off topic boys, if it is illegal I will be breaking a few laws 

Ryuji:what happened? 

Akira: I will admit I’m also curious 

Haru:a small boy attempted to look under Makoto's skirt 

Ryuji:LETS GO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THIS KID 

Akira:LETS GO, ARSÈNE WE GOT A BRAT TO TAKE CARE OF 

Makoto has changed Akira's and Ryuji’s name to “Flamboyantidiot” and “Uselessidiot”

Makoto: it was a child he probably saw it on tv and thought it was ok please do not go hurting small children that goes against the meaning of justice 

Uselessidiot:ok mom 

Flamboyantidiot: ok … mommy 

Makoto: I am neither surprised or upset just disappointed 

Flamboyantidiot: you can’t disappoint Someone if you never made them proud in the first place 

Flamboyantidiot has changed Makoto’s name to “Punkmom”

Punkmom:not bad... not, bad 

Futaba: who wants to go to McDonald’s wt me 

Uselessidiot:@Flamboyantidiot w-want twogwet swome chwicken nwuggies with mwe 

Flamboyantidiot:UwU ofw cwourse ruru-chwan 

Futuba:OwO whet uws grwemlins mweet awt LweBlanc 

Yuusuke:My brain hurts 

Futuba:iwts nwot ouwr fwault ywour awn idwiot 

Yuusuke: I’ll go back to painting the only thing in this world with beauty 

Flamboyantidiot: awww thank you I know I’m beautiful 

Yuusuke: I’m painting lobsters… 

Flamboyantidiot:omg how did you know my fursona? 

Uselessidiot :calm down or I’m not getting you chicken nuggets

Flamboyantidiot:YES DADDY! 

Futaba: Akira your drunk go home 

Flamboyantidiot: UwU nu 

Uselessidiot: chicken nuggets 

Flamboyantidiot: I- my one weakness I have been defeated 

Futaba: Ryuji is the official wild card tamer 

Uselessidiot: MY TRUE TALENT HAS SHOWN ITSELF! 

Futaba: ya either that your gay for Akira 

Uselessidiot: exsqueeze me 

Flamboyantidiot: that’s the thing my charm can react anyone 

Ann: I leave for 6 minutes and Akira went full joker why are you never like this when we hangout 

Flamboyantidiot: this is just my true nature a THOT 

Futaba: LMAOO HE JUST TYPED THAT WITH A COMPLETELY STRAIGHT FACE LIKE NOTHING 

Flamboyantidiot has changed futaba’s name to “Gremlin” 

Gremlin:valid

Pancakefetish:QUICK EMBARRASS SOMEONE AROUND YOU SO I DON'T FEEL LIKE A TOTAL ASSHOLE WHEN I MAKE FUN OF THIS PERSON 

Flamboyantidiot:Ryuji didn’t know that there are multiple types of sandwiches til last week 

Uselessidiot: BRO 

Yuusuke:futaba reads smut fanfics in public 

Gremlin: I have no shame 

Gremlin: Ann got her arm stuck in a rubber chicken 

Ann: WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU 

Uselessidiot: Mishima fell down the stairs once and then layer there for a while I was going to help him but I was laughing to much 

Mishima: that was a dark day 

Mishima: well I don’t have much except for that time president makato broke a vending machine 

Punkmom: do believe in god? I suggest you start 

Mishima:haha I’m in danger 

Punkmom: Haru threw a bag of soil at me for scaring her 

Haru: you did startal me I also remember when 

Flamboyantidiot: Akechi once tripped on Morgana and face planted best day of my life 

Pancakefetish: THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME 

Ann: joker once wore my suit 

Pancakefetish: anyway those were all good but … I WATCHED YUUSUKE CHUG A GLASS OF HIS PAINT WATER 

Uselessidiot: he does that a lot it’s kinda concerning 

Gremlin: are we just gonna ignore what Ann said 

Flamboyantidiot: yes no one needs to see that 

Uselessidiot: pics or it didn’t happen 

Ann:https://tolbyccia.tumblr.com/post/166576126073/akira-a-day-inktobers-set-3-days-13-18-were/amp weep

Gremlin: a yes black mail material 

Flamboyantidiot: of all the stupid shit I’ve done  
This is what you show the team 

Uselessidiot: ngl you don’t look bad in it 

Gremlin: YOU GET THAT ASS RYUJI 

Uselessidiot: I WILL SEND CAPTAIN KIDD ON YOU FUTABA


	2. Aw shit here we go again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuses I got lazy and didn’t wanna write :) apologizes darlings

Uselessidiot:do y’all kiss the homies goodnight

Flamboyantidiot: yes bitch where my kiss at 

Pancakefetish:I swear to god it’s 3 am go to fucking sleep 

Flamboyantidiot: ok Morgana >:( 

Pancakefetish: I’m not your cat 

Flamboyantidiot: but you are a pussy 

Pancakefetish: who hurt you 

Flamboyantidiot: some guy made fun of my glasses today 

Uselessidiot:I WILL FIGHT 

Flamboyantidiot:NO YOUR GONNA GET ON PROBATION LIKE ME 

Uselessidiot: but bro your glasses are so cool 

Flamboyantidiot: I thought they were too 

Pancakefetish: tbh Akira I prefer you without them you look better 

Gremlin: please stop hitting on my brother 

Pancakefetish: Ryuji I didn’t know you felt that way about Akira 

Gremlin:bitch I will make you type in cured don’t if you don’t fess up 

Pancakefetish: tell the true Sakamoto 

Uselessidiot:WTF??

Pancakefetish: ጎክ d҉ጎነa҉የዐጎክፕቿd҉ 

Pancakefetish:ጎ-

Uselessidiot: meet me behind Big Bang burger on Thursday at 10 pm >:( 

Pancakefetish:ረቿፕነ ኗዐ ጌጎፕርዘ 

Flamboyantidiot: WAIT THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT THEN YOU HOES 

Flamboyantidiot:MORGANA IS NAPPING WITH HIS HANDS OVER HIS FACE SHDJSKDJ SO CUTE 

Gremlin:aight I’m coming over to pet him 

Uselessidiot: that cat has more of a chance then we do 

Pancakefetish:ዐዘ ነዘሁፕ ሁየ 

Pancakefetish:ነልጕሁዪል ርልክ ሃዐሁ የረቿልነቿ ርዘልክኗቿ ፕዘጎነ ጌልርጕ 

Gremlin: ya 

Pancakefetish: t h x 

____________________

Gremlin: Ryuji are you a top or a bottom

Uselessidiot: top what do I look like a lil bitch

Gremlin: kinda also akechi and yuusuke same question 

Pancakefetish: Uhm? May I ask where this is coming from 

Gremlin: just answer 

Pancakefetish: I suppose top? 

Yuusuke: I as well presume top the image of someone beneath you is quiet to angle 

Gremlin: ok so the internet says for every 4 guys 3 are tops and ones a bottom 

Flamboyantidiot: where did you get that information? 

Gremlin: the internet?? 

Flamboyantidiot: I’m use if that’s a correct concept 

Gremlin: you bottom why are you calm now 

Flamboyantidiot:I- IM NOT A BOTTOM 

Ann:b u l l s h i t 

Punkmom: b u l l s h i t 

Gremlin: WRONG 

Haru: are you telling the real truth akira? 

Flamboyantidiot: I feel so attacked 

Uselessidiot: silence bottom 

Pancakefetish: Haha what a little bitch 

Yuusuke: would you mind nude modeling for me akira? I just took into consideration how slender you body is. I would pay you and it be wonderful if you could help me with this. 

Ann:NOW YOU HAVE TO STRIP AKIRA 

Gremlin: haha g a y 

Ann:wait that gives me an idea 

Ann changed Flamboyantidiot , Uselessidiot , Yuusuke , and Pancakefetish ‘s names time Bottom , Angrygay , Artpan , and Pancakegay 

Bottom: this is slander of the highest order 

_____________

Bottom :what’s up gamers it’s akira and we’re at it again with a another Minecraft let’s play 

Bottom :I was mining some diamonds when I notice how my low my hunger was so I ate my dog 

Angrygay:DUDE WTF 

Bottom : I haven’t slept in 3 days my actions were not in my control 

Angrygay : g o t o sl e e p 

Bottom : yes Morgana 

_______________

Gremlin: akechi can you come to Leblancs attic we have a situation 

Pancakegay: what, why? 

Gremlin: me and Ryuji don’t have the mental Strength to wake up akira from his nap 

Pancakegay: I may be an asshole but I’m not a monster I can’t do it either 

Pancakegay: but I will be going to take several pictures of him for black mail 

Gremlin: sure and Makoto isn’t pinning for Haru 

Punkmom: I wasn’t even in this conversation and I was attacked 

________________

Pancakegay:son it’s about time we had the talk about you being a stupid bitch @Bottom

Bottom:yes daddy 

Pancakegay: w ha t 

Bottom:you called me son and i panicked 

Pancakegay: never call me that again 

Pancakegay:but please admit your an idiot 

Bottom: why would I do that

Pancakegay: the whole group chat will know your sins 

Bottom: B E T @Everyone GET IN AND HEAR THE STUPID SHIT I DID THIS TIME 

Pancakegay:are you sure about this akira?

Bottom: wait no now I’m kinda scared 

Haru: even I can’t save you now

Angrygay: bro, have mercy on my bro 

Punkmom: you have to learn from your mistakes 

Gremlin: press f to pay respects 

Angrygay:f

Ann:f

Artgay:f am I doing it right?

Gremlin: perfect inari 

Bottom: wait have mercy what did I do that’s that bad 

Pancakegay: let me tell you a story of the time I took akira to the aquarium 

Bottom:the second or the first time 

Pancakegay: the second 

Bottom: OH SHIT 

Bottom: lord Goro I will please thy master if he does not spread my sins and will give him what ever he desires 

Pancakegay: normally I would take that offer but you have royally screwed yourself and I love nothing more then to see you suffer 

Bottom:well fuck 

Pancakegay: akira threw a fish out of the tank and started screaming because he didn’t process what just happened we got kicked out that’s why there were only two trips 

Artgay: is that why you turned down my request to go 

Bottom: u h 

Ann:II CANT BBREATHEW

Angrygay: LMFAO

Punkmom:... why are you like this 

Gremlin: YEET THE FISH 

Haru: rest in peace mister fish 

Bottom:akfjksnd Haru


	3. Fuck Goro akechi 😡 fuck Goro akechi if your akira 😉

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sprinkle a little bit of angst and a little bit of fluff

Gremlin: who ate my chips 

Bottom: not I 

Angrygay: nah your taste in chips is trash

Gremlin:rude 

Artgay: forgive me I saw them and was extremely hungry I gave into my dark desires 

Gremlin:...inari 

Gremlin:IM TAKING YOU TO FLAVOR TOWN

Angrygay:HOLY FUCK FUTUBA HE EAT YOUR CHIPS NOT KILLED YOUR PARENTS WHYD YOU THROW HIM LIKE THAT 

Pancakegay: listen Here Ryuji don’t give her ideas I apologized already 

Bottom: I’ll never forget you Yusuke I love you good night sweet prince 

Angrygay:wait throw me too 

_____________

Angrygay:I cannot express how much Mona is pissing me off 

Angrygay:stupid cat effing all the time judging me 

Angrygay: like bro calm down what did I do 

Pancakegay: this isn’t your vent chat

Angrygay: oh shut up prince pancake 

Angrygay:you piss me off

Pancakegay:oh? I piss you off huh 

Angrygay:go be the little ace detective prince and move on 

Angrygay:double timing pancake 

Pancakegay:SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID ANNOYING LITTLE SHIT 

Pancakegay:I DONT EVEN LIKE PANCAKES THAT MUCH JESUS CHRIST HOW MORE STUPID CAN YOU GET 

Pancakegay:FUCK YOU AND YOUR BITCH ASS PROBLEMS I WONT HOLD A GRUDGE BUT IF YOUR SO PATHETIC I GO AHEAD YOU SWINE 

Angrygay:@gremlin 30 bucks bitch 

Gremlin:fuck 

Pancakegay has changed their name to Ihateyouall

Ihateyouall:fuck you guys 

Gremlin: wanted you to go feral tis the better akechi

Ihateyouall:shut up you soulless bitch 

Gremlin: this is gonna be fun 

Ann:what the hell did you do 

Ihateyouall:quite if you thought this wasn’t going to happen your dumber than I thought 

Angrygay:kinda scared not gonna lie

Ihateyouall:you should be you mongural you don’t even have the balls to say fuck 

Ihateyouall: just say it FUCK or are you to sensitive 

Angrygay:do you kiss your mother with that mouth

Ihateyouall:FUCK YOU my mother is dead 

Angrygay:I totally forgot… shit sorry 

Gremlin:OOF 

Ann: please just calm down akechi 

Ihateyouall:NO because then I’m just some perfect detective FUCKING PRINCE IM SICK OF UP HOLDING THE FACE OF SOMEONE IM NOT

Gremlin:ok now I don’t know what to do 

Haru:akechi please calm down 

Ihateyouall: I will not calm down Okumura I’m pissed 

Punkmom:Akechi this isn’t like you

Ihateyouall:NO THIS IS EXACTLY WHO I AM I ALWAYS KEEP UP THE KIND AND NICE ACT IM AN ASSHOLE AND I HAVE TRUST ISSUES WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO I SCARE PEOPLE AND PUSH THEM AWAY 

Ihateyouall:I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE 

Ann:dude calm down 

Ihateyouall:STOP TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN 

Bottom: everyone shut the fuck up 

Bottom:akechi your an asshole,dumb bitch, a murder, a liar, and your literally my favorite person so shut up I know everything about you and I don’t push you away or hate you it’s ok just calm down if you want you can come over to lebanlc we can talk more or just watch movies I know your probably no feeling well

Ihateyouall: ok I’ll stop thank you I’ll take that offer 

Bottom:ok it’s ok 

Bottom: ALRIGHT LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHITS 

Gremlin: fuck 

Angrygay:shit shit shit shit 

Ann: so uh imma head out 

Punkmom:I’m disappointed 

Haru:why would do that 

Gremlin:we honestly didn’t think it would go sour so quickly 

Angrygay:we weren’t trying to upset him that much 

Bottom: do that again and I will fucking reck havoc on you find the thing you hate most and put it e v e r y h w h e r e 

Gremlin: yes sir 

Angrygay:got it 

Ann:will not happen again 

Gremlin:so uh do we get of scot free? 

Bottom:no I’ve taken eating curry privileges from you assholes for a week let it kill you 

Gremlin:NO 

Angrygay:THATS TOO FAR MAN 

Ann:how will I survive…

____________

7:00pm

Goro entered the dimly lit cafe in the back alleys of yongenja. A smooth but pungent smell of spices and coffee filled the air around him.Akira stood behind the counter in a tan sweater that was down to his collarbone but was big enough to leave what was under to the imagination.

“Your here thank god I was getting bored out of my mind” a sweet voice which was a calm song to goro’s ears 

“Honey I’m home” a slight tease in the brunettes voice 

“I- did you just pfft” 

The raven giggled as he took off his apron and motioned for Goro to head upstairs.the room at the top of the stairs had various books from manga to history and science stacked everywhere.multiple plants to the side and a messy bed in the corner which was quite small. A tint of red went to goros face when he sat on it and thought of akira.

“So what movie do you want to watch, or did you come here just to snuggle with me~” the shorter boy played with his voice in a way that mimicked a cat 

“Both actually” Goro was going to mess with him nothing funner then that 

“Wha- that’s not how your supposed your supposed to be like ‘o-oh no I just came to watch a movie with my friend’ and then act nervous and blush” akira's hands made a ‘👉👈’ type motion while speaking 

This prompted both boys into laughing in a burst.  
Akira eventually was left with just stray giggles and glided to the tv in the back of the room.he rummaged through the DVD’s before picking ‘Alice in wonderland’. While setting up Goro threw his shoes off and buried himself into the blankets on the bed. They so happened to smell like the raven haired boy. 

“Watch where you aim your shoes, this is brutality Acab!”

“I’m not even a cop I’m a detective”Goro remarked in a grumble 

“Same damn thing those bitches still best the shit out of me” 

“Listen I’m sorry the happened to you and that I was such an asshole”

“No it’s ok you apologize plenty of times if I was really mad you wouldn’t be in my room right now”

The brunette looked to the ground in a pained expression as a stated “I can’t take back the past but I sure as hell wish I could”

Akira pressed play on the device and the movie began.he threw himself on top of Goro and clinged to him.

“Listen it’s not entirely your fault I can’t just blow off the fact you murdered people but I also won’t forget why you did it” 

“I...thank you it means the world to me” 

“Oh of course you sap now shut up I can’t hear the movie” 

“Ugh your stomach keeps making weird noises”

“Aren’t stomach’s supposed to make noises akira?”

The raven threw himself up to face the brunette.Red eyes locked with gray ones.

“Well it’s hard for me to lay on it like this” 

“Then don’t lay on it”

“Listen here mister there is nothing better then laying on someone’s stomach”

“One things better”

“What is possibly-“

The taller boy moved in and kissed the shorter one.he made a small noise from the surprise of the moment but he didn’t stop him.when they pulled away from each other an extremely red akira covered his face while Goro watched in adoration and amusement.

“I’ll tell you I was not expecting that”

“Well it was the best timing and the fact that you cant run away, I mean this Is your room and your tangled among these blankets... guess you’ll just have to lay here, with me”

“My heart is literally going to explode shut up for a sec” 

“How adorable” 

The raven face was a dark shade of red.he covered it poorly but just enough so goro couldn’t tell he was gay panicking.

“You stupid bitch “

“Aww your insulting new now, but would I be ok if I was you stupid bitch and you were my complete idiot” 

“Is this your sly way of confessing to make it only embarrassing for me”

“Yes I’m not gonna deny it” 

“Ugh your such an asshole” 

The both laughed at that statement when akira got quite. Goro only looked at him in a confused fashion until.he leaned in and kissed Goro on the cheek. 

“Does that Answer your question”

“What happened to the bold and brash akira that I know”

“He’s dead you killed him now I’m a blushing mess and a sap like you” 

“Wow how two faced you are” 

“Oh shut up look who’s talking” 

The rest of the night was filled with cuddles and tiny pecks on the cheeks from either one of the boys.while soft cheery songs played in the backgrounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People who were reading for akiryu please forgive me and my goro akechi loving heart 
> 
> Follow my Twitter UwU https://mobile.twitter.com/Amianyai

**Author's Note:**

> Art does not belong to me!! It’s belong to this wonderful artist https://tolbyccia.tumblr.com/?amp_see_more=1 please go check just out their tumblr🥺💞 thank you for reading qts! (My Twitter is Amianyai)


End file.
